What happens in a coaching session?

No one really writes about this. And this is why. The best coaching session is dynamic and malleable because every client has a different perspective, challenge or opportunity to discuss each time. It doesn’t follow a step by step formula like in other professional services. However if you’ve never had a coaching session here’s a basic synopsis for perhaps a first time client.

  • You meet with your coach in a location where you feel comfortable to speak openly and after a brief intro you’ll discuss the specific area of your life where you are challenged at the moment. It’s here you’ll decide with your coach the desired outcome for the session and quite often it’s not the original challenge you thought. Coaching can be done in person but nowadays it’s just as common to speak with your coach on the phone or over Skype. My coach is in New York!
  • You then begin a coaching conversation where the coach listens as you explain the situation. A good coach won’t get involved in the story. Rather they are listening for beliefs, comments, patterns, body language and may stop you mid-story if they feel they already understand enough.Coaching-conversation
  • A trained performance coach will ask smart insight-giving questions. As mentioned in my previous blog on What is coaching, it is not about advice. It’s about asking the questions to get you to think outside of what you are currently able to ‘see’. While a coach will provide a safe, trusting environment they are not your friend so they are able to challenge you in a way in which perhaps family or friends would not.
  • These questions will bring about realisations in terms of your current situation and where you might be holding yourself back. As you are in a trusted space without judgement you are free to express where you are having difficulties.
  • It’s at this time your coach may prompt you to start thinking of opportunities or solutions you hadn’t imagined before. Once you’ve tabled these you can decide on which option is most viable given where you want to get to.
  • Next up is setting a plan. This is not just about setting some SMART goals and setting sail for Tahiti with a mojito in hand.  TahitiYour coach will hold you accountable to what you’ve committed to. And yes, we all get busy and have reasons for not completing our tasks but it’s amazing when you know you have someone to report back to (who you’ve invested to keep you on track) how much more likely you are to complete what you committed to.
  • Finally you’ll finish up with a brief summary of your session and a check in on how you now feel about your situation at hand. Together you will set some targets and there may be some extra reading or work to complete before you met again.

This is a super basic format however every coaching session is different. Coaches have many models and techniques to use so you should never feel like it’s the same old routine every time.

Sometimes it might be quite goal oriented while other times you may explore a behaviour or belief for example a lack of self-confidence or your procrastination habits, then find ways of shifting your mindset to change your outcomes.

Of course to really know what a coaching session is like you need to experience it for yourself. Reach out if you’re interested in finding out more.

 

A short & sweet lesson in Being.

How often to do you find yourself rationalising with a friend  “Well once I have my fancy new kickers,  tropical break in Bali, sleek road bike, renovated villa or complete makeover then I’ll be cooler, relaxed, faster, more settled or hotter and then I’ll definitely be happy”. No matter what it is – a little or large purchase , a relationship, a new job, weight-loss or a move to a new city we cleverly convince ourselves this ‘thing’ will bring us that one step closer to being happy, fulfilled and completely 100% satisfied.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I L.O.V.E to shop. I know a change of scenery brings feelings of a fresh start and going from single to loved up is undoubtedly brilliant but there’s a lesson here which has been around for a while and always worth a refresher.

No matter where you go, there you areWhen you focus on the having instead of the being you are less satisfied and fulfilled long term.  You are also hugely attached to that exact want providing a feeling that you crave but once it stops giving you the feeling you look for a new shiny thing to fulfill youAnd as someone who has lived in 7 cities I can vouch for that fact that no matter where I go, there I am. I take the same stuff with me in a wee magical back pack and somehow it follows me everywhere I go!

So what to do? Turn it on its head. Instead of focusing on Have. Do. Be we consider the Be. Do. Have.

Focus on how you are being. Yes, you want to have a smaller bootie, a slick set of wheels or an apartment better than anything on The Block but how about looking at WHO you want to be first and then think about what you might be doing and having as a result of this change of focus.

If you have a job interview for example rather being attached to your shiney new job and all the great things it will give you why not focus on who you are being in that interview. Are you being eloquent, intelligent, analytical or smart and savvy – by focusing on who you are being you will be demonstrating how you will act in your potential job and then bring yourself closer to having more long term satisfaction. Similar to my moving of cities I often believed a new job would bring fulfillment but after the glitter and tassles wear off those same feelings of ho hum soon crept in because I had been so focused on what the job would give me rather than who I would be.

I read this great quote from renowned designer Diane Von Furstenburg yesterday in the April edition of #Next magazine  “I tell my grandchildren before they go to sleep at night, think of the person you want to be, and start having fun being that person. Because that is the person you’ll become”.

So who are you going to dream of being tonight? And how will that play out tomorrow?  We are human beings after all.